“As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
For the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my rock:
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.”
Psalm 42
Hope in God, Heidi! Hope in God!
This is the message I am “preaching” to myself this morning.
As I write this, Jonathon and I are limping our way out of an incredibly emotional weekend. Someone very, very dear to us attempted to end their life this weekend. It was but for the grace of God, blood is still sloshing through their veins and breath rolling over their tongue. My heart breaks continuously when thinking of the fear, loneliness and desperation this person has been and is experiencing. My arms ache to cloak them in love and hug out their pain, but I am thousands of miles away, and there is nothing I can do but pray.
We are currently in the throws of downsizing greatly and preparing to embark on a six-week spiritual (and fun) family journey across the Southwest and up the West Coast. Filled with anticipation and excitement, there are, however, many moments anxiety reaches in and seizes the very breath from my chest.
I have not been sleeping well. Last night I woke up in cold sweats thinking of a loved one who is going through great turmoil, praying that they are clinging to Christ and not the bottle.
Mixed reports regarding loved ones, selling our household items, planning routes, researching potential hazards along our journey, packing, nearly losing an important person in our life…it is all so overwhelming. These things affect me. I do not take them lightly. I feel them deeply (I believe it is the way God created me and it sends me to my knees every time.)
“Hope in God, Heidi. Hope in God.”
This morning Jonathon decided to read Psalm 42 to the family before he left for work. I resonated deeply with the Psalmist this morning. He says, “My tears have been my food day and night.” I am brokenhearted. “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, For the living God.” I am thirsty for hope and peace and the presence of God. “Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.” I can relate to these words. I love marinating my soul in the Psalms because they are so very real and heartbreakingly poetic. I “get” them. John Piper says that the Psalms are intended “to shape what the mind thinks, and… what the heart feels.”
Although I deeply resonate with the statements like,”my tears have been my food day and night”; I must equally resonate with the hope in these verses and allow them to shape my thinking.
Many of my friends know that I love to preach! I find something so beautiful about wrestling with the Word of God, allowing it to cut you, convict you, change you and then sharing that with a congregation in hopes that God might just move in their hearts as well. I LOVE it! It humbles me. Fills me with energy.
However, at this point in my life, the audience I am preaching to MOST is myself.
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.” “By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.”
So, instead of allowing “the breakers and the waves” to overwhelm me this morning, I am taking the mic and preaching to myself a message of hope and peace and the presence of God, “Hope in God, Heidi. Hope in God!”
Redeeming the Wretch 